22 Gifts of Grace in 2022
22 Gifts of Grace in 2022
I’ve spent some time reading over my journal entries over the past year and what a year it has been. I started my Yoga Teacher Training Program, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, and my youngest sister Alice transitioned from this human experience onto the next chapter of her soul’s journey. Navigating through the Covid 19 pandemic, RHDV2 (yes, a damn bunny virus), along with continued social, political, and environmental upheaval in addition to abounding personal challenges has made my journal read like a SyFy Soap Opera taking place on another planet on the cusp of the end of human civilization as we know it. (With lots of bunny drawings in the margins - that’s how I cope. Or maybe the bunny is a subliminal message from Zion? I digress, that’s for another blog post.)
In the spirit of cleansing, reflecting, and preparing for the new year, I decided to focus on the prevalent themes for me that arose on so many pages. Coincidentally, (or not) there were 22 limiting beliefs, 22 shadows, or 22 opportunities for growth that the universe gifted me in the form of several painful and beautiful lessons. I now see them for the gifts that they are, though disguised in darkness, to get my full and much needed attention. I decided that if I have time to worry, I have time to dream. If I hold space for anxiety, I can hold space for courage. If I replay stressful events from my past on loop in my head, I also have the ability to envision future possibilities coming into fruition over and over in abundance in my mind.
Because my mind works in a chaotic dance of shapes, colors, feelings, and sounds, the best way for me to organize my journal notes was to create these columns below. I’ve always identified with being extremely, “left brain” and “right brain” driven. Maybe that’s the Libra in me shining through that strives for balance, with a need to take sketches of my angry bunny with a furrowed brow carrying a protest sign and insulin pen from my journal, and draft a clear and coordinated chart for those who might not be fluent in “Leilani”. (And if any of you are, please let me know because the idea of an interpreter sounds lovely.)
As the ball drops on New Year’s Eve and 2021 is laid to rest for the historians to sort out, I don’t believe that I will magically never have a wave of depression leaving me paralyzed on my couch for hours. I don’t believe that I will confidently strut into every situation with the utmost confidence of a Marvel Superhero (checking to see if my brother will read this), and I don’t believe that I’ll never get bummed out over the scar tissue that will inevitably build up on my body due to the multiple daily insulin injections that are a necessity for me to live as a person with Type 1 Diabetes.
But that doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in magic because I unequivocally believe in magic with every fiber of my being. We are floating on a big ball in the middle of space, made of stardust molded into energy, connected by divinity and grace. Yes, I believe in magic. I also believe that I have it in me to examine challenging situations without judgment and extract the gifts buried in the darkness. I see my human experience as a treasure hunt and I can either toss my arms in the air, curse the sky and scream that it’s too hard and I don’t want to play anymore or I can dance with clouds, soar with the wind, ground into the earth and be in awe of the fiery grace within my dharma. (While also remembering that it’s okay to scream sometimes too.)
I plan to carry these 22 Gifts of Grace with me into 2022 with an open heart while making space to receive, serve, connect, observe, and grow. Maybe this resonated with you, maybe it didn’t. I invite you to take what speaks to you, make it your own, and leave behind anything that doesn’t serve you. You won’t hurt my feelings. (However, I might draw a pouty little bunny in my journal.) Please be gentle with yourself, be kind to yourself, and know that you are doing a wonderful job. Being a human is complicated and I encourage you to always give yourself an abundance of grace in the new year and beyond.